kimiswa

it was christmas eve! the best so far.. no one was absent and we ate outside.. we had tinolang isda, sizzling bangus, grilled chicken, grilled squid, sizzling blue marlin and grilled pork and of course rice!! first time! together with koreans and other filipinos (in the resto).. i enjoyed a lot.. there was a live performance.. and surprise surprise.. my sis bought me a gift ive been dyin to receive.. the first album of HALE!!! here’s my picture with it..

til next time.. oh, and thank you to all who sent me a christmas msg! deeply appreciated.. except one..and dont even think its you!!!
P.S.i hate YOU!! no, not you! if youre thinkin its you.. ugh..never again.. hmph!

i failed the two short quizzes in math5.. and i didnt do it on purpose.. at the time we had our 1st quiz, i had an exploding cough.. i was trying my hardest to stay calm.. so i had to breathe short.. and when i feel the magma rising, i panicked.. i started concentrating real hard to calm down.. i was shaking.. and that took all my concentraton so i had nothin left for the exam.. thats why.. in the 2nd.. well, there were lots of things running through my mind.. ok, i admit it.. i really was clueless.. no not really clueless.. maybe my mind wasnt functioning well.. i was quite confident id get 6pts but no.. i got a long stick.. so straight.. but ill survive.. i did fine in the long tests and quarter exam (hope so! talk abt confidence..).. but i still wanna go back in 3rd yr.. MATH4!! i love you!! g.im so stupid.. i was pressured.. i was under peer pressure, youknow.. i mean, it was my fault.. not listening to his discussions.. and letting him know i wasnt listening.. (i still remember playing that s.solitaire in k’s cp.. just so he’ll see im not listenin.. but in reality, i wasnt enjoying the game.. im such an artist..).. not studying (even though im dyin to study.. stupid, isnt it.. i dunno wat you call it.. pride or somthin.. i really dont know..).. i want him to be mad or sumthin.. but of course.. as everythin else.. it backfired.. of course i knew it would come to that (of course, i always know.. thats whats dfficult with me.. bec i always know.. shut up!!).. we were havin a quiz.. he required a whole sheet of paper.. but of course.. i was stupid.. i only occupied a quarter of that sheet.. g.im so stupid.. and my score?? what do you expect. i cant remember exactly.. but it wasnt near perfect.. i think its a quarter of the perect score.. kill me.. yeah.. i was feeling feeling.. you know what i mean?! thats it.. and sometimes.. no make that most of the time.. i still feel that feeling feel.. ugh!

and dont you just hate english.. no, not really hate.. more like.. i dont know.. i cant put into words what i have in mind.. cause i suck in writing.. you know what.. when i was in grade 4, my teacher told me i had a wide vocabulary.. oh, kill me.. i never liked english.. never.. and never will.. even if the teacher’s the most handsome, likable teacher ever.. no can do.. i just feel english’s not for me.. i mean look at me.. read me.. i dont have a wide vocabulary.. i dont speak well.. and most importantly, i cant write.. this isnt writing.. this is bs-ing.. makin nonsense.. its funny i was the e-i-c when i was in gr6.. i guess it was just because i was on top, you know.. i was making editorials and i dont even know what a running priest is.. g.im so pathetic.. but that was like 5yrs ago.. when i was innocent.. semi-innocent..

and com.sci. too.. i knew since first year i was no good in this field.. somehow i managed but just enough for me not to fail.. im not excellent.. i swore never to take courses involving this.. g.4yrs is already long.. i dont wanna add another year.. im a bit surprised this fourth year cause i got 1.25.. which is rare considering we’re talking about COM.SCI. here.. duh!? but it was justified cause i decreased which was not surprising.. considering like i said we ARE talkin about cOm.sCI.,.. duh?! it needs analysis.. which i learned in 2nd yr.. how hard it is to analyze.. g.! it really is hard.. but im not impressed with the teachers.. im just not impressed.. or maybe i dont wanna be impressed.. do i really need to say a word over and over again?? cause im not like some other guy there who uses every word in the dictionary.. looking up for unfamiliar words just so that it looks and reads nice.. amazing.. whatever.. or maybe they use those words because it really is appropriate.. and not just for using it like using it.. because it really shows what they really wanna tell you.. bs! why do i have to be like this.. this is impossible!

"Because we use math everyday.. Studying math will also improve your logic and critical thinking.. collect sample problems, that is the best way to understand math.. don’t be satisfied with one example only, the more the better.. the library is the best place to go.. math is very interesting.. love it and it will love you back..but if you study math you become a better english teacher..if not the best..if you can explain math in english then you can explain anything..math is an exact science..if you know the rules then you will not get wrong..so try to understand the rules..english has more rules and exceptions.."

"if you know how the four operations (+, -, *, /) work, then you’ll do just fine.."

things to do:

  1. smile not too often

  2. seldom laugh (or if u can, try not to really laugh anymore)

  3. dont make others laugh (cause u’ll end up laughing too)

i think my facial muscles are already strained (did i use the right term?!) due to overuse.. i can feel it.. not that i feel overfatigued or anything.. its just that.. i dunno.. basta, i can sense it OK?!.. so im trying my hardest to limit these activities which involves too much stretching of my f.muscles (e.g. smiling widely, laughing for hours, etc.).. and also, i noticed laugh lines forming!! no, theyre already formed and they show!! *sigh*.. but i know this is impossible.. yah! it really IS impossible cause right now i am smiling!! bs! this is nonsense.. im out of words (im always out of words!).. damn! is there anything lousier than this?! of course there is!! DUH?! dumb!! seriously,.. this gift of smile of mine is a pain in the face!! (conceited) it is.. really..! thats all i can say.. you wont understand! DUH?! dumb!

my father took the news rather calmer than what i wouldve expected of him.. it made my heart melt, i almost cried after reading his message (OA, OA..).. ok, so my dad wasnt angry, was he?! i really dont know ’cause i didnt see his facial expression.. it was just a text.. but at least.. and my mum.. i thought if my dad wasnt mad then it would be my mum (i mean someone’s got to discipline me and all, right?!).. but she wasnt.. it was like.. i dont know.. but one thing’s for sure.. i dont wanna go to outerspace anymore.. hahahha.. im not like other hopeless hopefuls out there who wants to visit outerspace.. thinking it would be once in a lifetime.. yah, whatever!! bs!

i broke something today.. and its big time.. i wish an alien would drop from outer space and take me as hostage.. i really would love to disappear right now.. i cant face it.. im still suffering from post traumatic stress (did i use it right?!), not that i was abused or anything.. i mean.. this is not the usual problem teenage girls cry about like heartbreak or somthin.. its serious you know and it involves money!! hahha.. i just cant stop thinkin about it and the scene keeps on repeating on and on.. but my head’s not aching.. i think im breaking every valuable thing i have.. my comb’s broken.. i sat on it, it snapped.. then this one im talking about.. and then i banged my mp3 on the wall.. real hard.. i was jumpin and all.. i dont know how much more damage ill wreak.. maybe ill crush my head or fracture my whole body.. this sucks!! and i need to concentrate because tomorrow’s on-site evaluation in research and the day after, oral defense.. i really hope we wont be at the top10.. its evil of me to hope something like this after all the hard work my groupmates did.. what the heck.. im really disoriented right now.. i dont want to face the judges.. this sucks! "my life is a mess!".. hahah.. im really under intense pressure right now.. and my dad’s not online.. i want to tell him i broke his property.. and he’ll probably get mad at me!! i know,  i deserve it.. but i was hoping he would give me a fatherly advice like he always does.. i hate technology.. they ruin my life.. aargh..!! they dont help at all..

halu!! i’ve been eating healthy foods since today.. haha.. my meal always has fish in it and i always eat fruits.. earlier, i made a trip to the dentist and had a dental prophylaxis (its a dental term for having your teeth cleaned) cause its been 6 months since my last.. so far, i havent developed another dental carries yet.. even though i dont brush my teeth regularly.. haha.. im really trying to avoid that.. i sort of pity my teeth cause i already wear a jacket at an early age.. hahay.. but anyway, i supposed to talk about fishes.. well,, actually i have nothing to say about them.. i eat them everyday.. yesterday, we had tinolang fish for dinner.. earlier for lunch, tinolang fish again but not the same fish as yesterday.. and for my dinner today, hhaha.. tinolang fish.. but this time its "ginurot".. ahaha.. nalalousyhan ak!! im not in the mood right.. later!

haha!!its the start of our semestral break.. i was excited but not anymore.. our house is a mess!! haha.. im not excited about going back to school either.. i just want to have a broadband connection cause this dial-up thingy is killing me..  now, is that asking to much.. haha.. of course it is.. so why dont i just enjoy this break.. yah right!!

ok, so this all about you!! what’s your f.prob?? (yah, i got that from you!! so wat!! you selfish b.) anyway, it started from poor ryt?! i hate it! u got it all wrong. oh c’mon!! so wat if u thought wat u thought.. i cant alter that, right!! oh, u know wat im talking about.. or maybe u really dont knoe!! b********… (do i realy hav to write all those asterisks?!) so wat if u thought wat i thought u thought.. thats crazy!! we’re not bananas ryt.. its just that wat i thought u were thinking at that time was not so nice so i was hoping u were not thinking the same way i was thinking.. wel, thats not too hard, ryt.. i just cant take it off of me, u know.. im being unlike me.. its pathetic!! we’ll just hav to forget it.. like everything else.. so wat if i was having difficulty understanding why 6cos3x became the derivative of 2sin3x (but i now undestand) .. or did i get that ryt.. and now ur asking wats the connection!! duh?! it just sort of popped into my mind! who cares?? this is my blog ryt?! i confused it with e*.. where *=x

it sucks.. earning a 2nd place.. not that im not used to it.. im always used to being 2nd.. hahah.. this is insane.. i like being at the top.. no, why were we 2nd? of course iknow why.. isnt it too coincidental that all three of us committed a mistake at exactly the same time, same question.. we were three for kate’ssake.. how come none of us arrived at the correct answer!! its so.. no, its not unfair.. and dont you even tell me that its destiny.. b*******.. i hate it.. what i felt after was.. i cant even recognize what i felt.. so after that contest, i nudged my friend and told her, "tara, ice cream tau! libre ko".. cause we got a cash prize.. 750.. 250 each.. so we went to this establishment where i love their ice cream.. and ice cream’s supposed to make you feel better.. but i didnt feel anything at all. i was numb and i kept on whining.. im sick, you know.. its like im eating "moron".. so we left the place and went home.. but we met some klasmets and invited us to join them so we did.. and i was sick.. i thought this klasmet of mine was handsome.. i totaly did.. im sick.. really..  but he really is handsome.. in the inside.. hahha.. and now.. as im making this blog.. my roommate is bugging me to go home na.. she’s saying, "oy, tara na.. bangin kita ma ‘hostel’… hahhah.. i wish..