i failed the two short quizzes in math5.. and i didnt do it on purpose.. at the time we had our 1st quiz, i had an exploding cough.. i was trying my hardest to stay calm.. so i had to breathe short.. and when i feel the magma rising, i panicked.. i started concentrating real hard to calm down.. i was shaking.. and that took all my concentraton so i had nothin left for the exam.. thats why.. in the 2nd.. well, there were lots of things running through my mind.. ok, i admit it.. i really was clueless.. no not really clueless.. maybe my mind wasnt functioning well.. i was quite confident id get 6pts but no.. i got a long stick.. so straight.. but ill survive.. i did fine in the long tests and quarter exam (hope so! talk abt confidence..).. but i still wanna go back in 3rd yr.. MATH4!! i love you!! g.im so stupid.. i was pressured.. i was under peer pressure, youknow.. i mean, it was my fault.. not listening to his discussions.. and letting him know i wasnt listening.. (i still remember playing that s.solitaire in k’s cp.. just so he’ll see im not listenin.. but in reality, i wasnt enjoying the game.. im such an artist..).. not studying (even though im dyin to study.. stupid, isnt it.. i dunno wat you call it.. pride or somthin.. i really dont know..).. i want him to be mad or sumthin.. but of course.. as everythin else.. it backfired.. of course i knew it would come to that (of course, i always know.. thats whats dfficult with me.. bec i always know.. shut up!!).. we were havin a quiz.. he required a whole sheet of paper.. but of course.. i was stupid.. i only occupied a quarter of that sheet.. g.im so stupid.. and my score?? what do you expect. i cant remember exactly.. but it wasnt near perfect.. i think its a quarter of the perect score.. kill me.. yeah.. i was feeling feeling.. you know what i mean?! thats it.. and sometimes.. no make that most of the time.. i still feel that feeling feel.. ugh!
and dont you just hate english.. no, not really hate.. more like.. i dont know.. i cant put into words what i have in mind.. cause i suck in writing.. you know what.. when i was in grade 4, my teacher told me i had a wide vocabulary.. oh, kill me.. i never liked english.. never.. and never will.. even if the teacher’s the most handsome, likable teacher ever.. no can do.. i just feel english’s not for me.. i mean look at me.. read me.. i dont have a wide vocabulary.. i dont speak well.. and most importantly, i cant write.. this isnt writing.. this is bs-ing.. makin nonsense.. its funny i was the e-i-c when i was in gr6.. i guess it was just because i was on top, you know.. i was making editorials and i dont even know what a running priest is.. g.im so pathetic.. but that was like 5yrs ago.. when i was innocent.. semi-innocent..
and com.sci. too.. i knew since first year i was no good in this field.. somehow i managed but just enough for me not to fail.. im not excellent.. i swore never to take courses involving this.. g.4yrs is already long.. i dont wanna add another year.. im a bit surprised this fourth year cause i got 1.25.. which is rare considering we’re talking about COM.SCI. here.. duh!? but it was justified cause i decreased which was not surprising.. considering like i said we ARE talkin about cOm.sCI.,.. duh?! it needs analysis.. which i learned in 2nd yr.. how hard it is to analyze.. g.! it really is hard.. but im not impressed with the teachers.. im just not impressed.. or maybe i dont wanna be impressed.. do i really need to say a word over and over again?? cause im not like some other guy there who uses every word in the dictionary.. looking up for unfamiliar words just so that it looks and reads nice.. amazing.. whatever.. or maybe they use those words because it really is appropriate.. and not just for using it like using it.. because it really shows what they really wanna tell you.. bs! why do i have to be like this.. this is impossible!
